Stuff Mom Never Told You about Chivalry and Celibacy

This week’s episodes of Stuff Mom Never Told You were brought to you by the letter C (and I’m not just referring to Cristen). We talked about chivalry and celibacy, two big topics that we hope will start some good conversations — another C-word!

First on the docket was chivalry. While chivalry originally referred to a code of conduct followed by knights, the meaning of the word has evolved to denote any act of courtesy provided by a man to a woman. It includes acts like opening doors, picking up checks or offering seats on public transport. But do we still need chivalry? If we women want to be treated as equals, can we accept symbols of kindness offered solely because of our sex? From the emails we’ve received so far, it seems that many of you are ready for chivalry to die, but you’d like to see a renewed emphasis on courtesy — performed by and for everyone, regardless of gender.

Our sources:

• Courtly Love, Middle Ages reference page
• “Poll: Women today treated with less chivalry” by Jennifer Harper, Washington Times
• “Is chivalry dead? Or just civility?” by Tracy Clark-Flory, Salon
• “Dudes try ‘dating Darwinism’” by Tracy Clark-Flory, Salon
• “Chivalry vs. Feminism” by Sarah Stefanson, AskMen.com
• “Feminism and Chivalry” by Pelle Billing, Men’s News Daily
• “Disaster Psychology: Protect the Women — If There’s Time” by Andrew Moseman, Discover Magazine

Next up: celibacy. What we wanted to investigate with this podcast was inspired by an episode of “Seinfeld” in which a lack of sexual satisfaction causes the immortal George Costanza to become a genius. Are there truly benefits to abstaining? And are the benefits only available to men? After all, in the same episode, Elaine Benes is rendered the idiot to George’s genius. The idea that celibacy offers few benefits to women isn’t new; thanks to a wonderful book by Elizabeth Abbott, Cristen and I learned how celibacy has always been a way for men to achieve greater art and higher sports scores, while for women it’s an abnormality. After all, women should want to have babies, right? That’s why this “new celibacy” trend might be so powerful for some women. While the media paints women who don’t want to hook up as wary of the emotional aftermath, I say those women should take a page from some men in history and proclaim they’re just focusing that energy on their intellectual development.

References for this episode include:

• “A History of Celibacy” by Elizabeth Abbott
• “The Opposite of Sex” by Hywel Williams, The Guardian
• “Students of Virginity” by Randall Patterson, New York Times
• “Confessions of a Former Celibate” by Eugene Kennedy, Salon
• “No hooking up, no sex for some coeds” by Stephanie Chen, CNN
• “Is Celibacy the New Virginity?” by Nikitta A. Foston, Ebony
• “Why Do Sexually Experienced Girls Resume Sexual Activity After Abstinence?” Indiana School of Medicine via ScienceDaily
• “Involuntary Celibacy: A Life Course Analysis” by Denise Donnelly, Elisabeth Burgess, Sally Anderson, Regina Davis and Joy Dillard, The Journal of Sex Research (available via library database)
• “Some Basics About Celibacy” by John W. O’Malley, America (available via library database)

What do you think? Should we throw chivalry in the trash can? Are there benefits to celibacy? Drop us a line, leave us a comment, and please join us over on Facebook and Twitter.